I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
