You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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