i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
