I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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