Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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