Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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