So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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