i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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