Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she smelled like a LAN party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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