At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
