Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Don't make out with my wife yet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
