she was so not down for the gang bang
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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