I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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