just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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