'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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