Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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