Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
