i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
