shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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