Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
