I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
