Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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