the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
