Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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