i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
