So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Mom said you looked used
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
