I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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