In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
