The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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