You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
