my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
