Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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