She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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