Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
