i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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