yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
