So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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