I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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