it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
