if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
