Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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