tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
