her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
