Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
