i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
