why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
