I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
