My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
