so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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