Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
