you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
