when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
not ubering you a puppy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
