when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish you could order shots online.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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