Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize