it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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