Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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