I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ttyl tear gas
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
