she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
