My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize