I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
