i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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