This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
