I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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