Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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