EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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