is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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