haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
